Like so many other folks, I am unemployed. More precisely, I am partially employed, working part-time at two radio stations and picking up occasional voice-over jobs all of which I am grateful for but all of which combined will not pay my mortgage let alone my electric bill.
And, like so many other folks, I am only partially employed because of a horrendous economy, not because of anything I did to get myself fired. I was laid off from a place I went to for nearly 20 years. A place that was part of my DNA and a place that, in many ways, came to define who I was.
All of which is why, when I was suddenly and unceremoniously laid off in April, I felt as if my world had been pulled out from under me. See, my job was not just a job, it was my career; something I had built over the years, succeeded at and was extremely proud of. I loved my job. I always told people I had the best job in the world and I meant it.
My Mom and Dad always told me that if I worked hard and was a good person I’d be successful. Losing one’s job while doing all the right things at that job wasn’t something I understood. I was number one at what I did yet my job was taken away from me…I was eliminated from the place where I had loyally served for so many years. They decided they could do without me. It wasn’t supposed to be this way.
On April 17, 2009, my “husband” of nearly 20 years told me he didn’t love me anymore and he wanted me to go away. Just like that. I was in love with “him” and I thought we had such a happy marriage! I cooked, I cleaned, I took care of the kids, and I made passionate love to “him” at least 5 times a week, never straying, but somehow it wasn’t enough and suddenly, after nearly 20 years of being in that happy marriage, I found myself forced to start dating again.
I didn’t want to date and I didn’t have any idea how to date.
But my “husband” didn’t care and although I hoped “he” would reconsider and take me back it that still hasn’t happened.
If you are lucky enough not to have ever experienced being laid off, you won’t know about the strange things that go along with such a life-changing turn of events. As if it’s not earth-shattering and ego-blowing enough to lose your job – through no fault of your own – when you suffer the misfortune of being laid off people who you thought were your friends are suddenly nowhere to be found. Apparently, this species is afraid of catching the “lay off disease” from you even though it’s really not contagious. Really. If you get laid off, be prepared for this very odd and disturbing phenomenon. You may never hear from some of your former co-workers who you considered friends. It hurts. A lot. But the upside will be the NEW friends you will make. People you never really knew before will reach out to you offering ideas and their friendship.
But be aware that to find your new circle of friends you do need to get yourself out there; they aren’t simply going to manifest in your living room while you sit on your couch in sweatpants eating a bowl of ramen noodles. Of course it is tempting to hide under the covers and feel miserable but, personally, I am too much of a worrier to have allowed myself such an indulgence…I HAVE to work for a living and sitting in a corner rocking back and forth certainly isn’t going to help me find employment. I’ve heard it’s not a “skill set” (an expression that I despise) that looks good on your resume.
If you get laid off be prepared to hear this expression repeatedly from people who really do mean well: “when one door closes, another one opens”. You’ll hear it. A lot. And the other ever-popular phrase: “things happen for a reason “.
Okay well it’s been six months for me and I am still waiting for the reason to reveal itself and for the next door to open. Is there a statute of limitations on these phrases?
People have actually told me I need to “move on” and those are always people who are employed; people who have no idea what it is like to have your career derailed, your life turned upside down and your future uncertain…when you did nothing wrong. Move on to what? Of course these people have not been thrown out into an economy that is teetering on the edge of a 10% rate of unemployment. I may need to move on but they need to pay attention because they might very well be next. Oh and a little compassion for my situation would also be appreciated.
There is one thing of which I am fairly certain: when I get my next full-time job, whatever it may be, (hey are you hiring??) it will make the scars of being laid off heal a whole lot more quickly. Because six months after my “husband” disavowed me, I am still riding that rollercoaster of emotions that being laid off presents: some days I am angry, some days I am sad; other days I feel scared and lost and always I am still wondering why this had to happen.
Just please don’t tell me it happened for a reason.
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I believe the process is similar to grieving the loss of a close friend or loved one. I have been through the cycle of loss and 6months in is the valley. You will emerge beautiful and strong with a new set of “friends” that will be there for you. Well, maybe. Just remember that you are your own best friend and when you take a hard look at what you have done personally and professionally you should be proud!
Most people don’t have the courage to do what you’ve done: to publicly and candidly explain your situation and express your feelings. I don’t want to sound like an armchair psychologist, but most people believe they’re the only ones with their particular problems. So, they endure them in silence, suffer in isolation, and miss opportunities to connect and heal. Marcel Proust said, “We are healed of a suffering only by experiencing it to the full.” I admire you for taking yours head on.
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So many of us can relate to this. Keep your head up and be proud of what you have accomplished, and what you have yet to accomplish. Better days ahead!
Very powerful Pam. Nice piece!
and I know the feeling, as we are in the same boat. It’s hard, but you always find a way. For me, I am thankful for Mike and I starting this website. I have “met” some truly incredible people, who I would not have met, had it not been for me getting the ax. For me though, this is a great thing, as I had become very jaded with the whole company thing. You put your soul into what you do, and then, even after having stellar years, you are just a number, as in what have you done for me lately. So now, with the help of many gifted people, I am embarking on something that I want to do, and we, and I do mean we, control our destinies,and the effort that we put into the site will not go unnoticed. Thank you all
Hang in there honey. Maybe a better job and a more deserving man are in your future. In the meantime, getting out and about is definitely a great strategy for coping with both losses. There’s no explanation for the bad luck you’ve experienced other than being at the bottom of the economic feeding chain. Too little regulation, too much greed. Don’t try to find meaning in it beyond that. Ditto for the ex. I feel for you, truly. But you are clearly smart and accomplished. Talent doesn’t go ignored for too long. Think with some flexibility how you might put your strengths to work, and keep plugging!
Thanks all…Tracey, just to clarify: the “husband” I am referring to is my former job not my guy….the real husband part of my life is just fine, thankfully. I was comparing losing the job I loved for 20 years to losing one’s husband of 20 years….
Great article Pam – it sucks to have been laid off – it happened to me last january and still no sign of a new position. But, like you and Ed, I too have met many great people that I would not have met had I still been employed – you do have to get yourself out there – it is not always an easy thing to do but it is the new beginning to the end of what once was. I also loved what I did and miss it tremendously.
Ohhhhh Pam, I have SO been there! More than once, in fact! It sucks big moose wang to be laid off, and I totally feel for you. Hang in there. You have the right idea — keep your true friends and always be open to making new ones. I have my fingers crossed that you find something SOON!
Ooh, way too subtle for me, these metaphors! Well, glad the s–t has hit the fan in only one respect. All the advice still applies, apologies to your hubby!
I guess sometimes I should read the comments before releasing them, but then again, what’s the fun in that. This should make for some interesting conversation on Sunday….
Love you Pam. I’m still looking to fix you up with a great “Guy”. Fantastic article. Your talents have been revealed during this “divorce” like so often times happens. Who knew while being a champion of the airways you were so talented in writing and photography! Sometimes you never see those footprints in the sand unless you look back over your shoulder. Maybe these are the reasons. Once an artist always an artist. Just more pallets and colors to choose from.