Shoreline Out and About » MidLife Crisis

Funniest Sleep Deprivation Stories From Huffpost Readers

Kari Henley — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 14:36:07 +0000

If you haven’t noticed, our writers and contributors have come up with just about every possible story related to sleep, and for good reason. Over 90 million Americans suffer some sort of sleep deprivation or insomnia symptom every single night.

That is a sobering statistic, with huge implications in how our reaction time, clarity and focus is affected in everything we do — from work productivity to driving. Last week I decided to lighten up the subject a little bit, and poke fun at ourselves and the hysterical things we do while bone tired. After all, walking zombies do some pretty funny stuff! Here is the link to last week’s post.

I am amazed at the sheer volume of funny stories I received this week reflecting the idiotic things we do when sleep deprived. Here are some of the “best of the best” from a variety of good sports who confessed some of their funniest moments:

Putting both contacts in one eye … almost mistaking nail glue for contact solution … going to sleep and forgetting the dogs were outside in the cold … putting the dust pan in the refrigerator — and the milk on the floor near the broom … looking for my glasses and wearing two pairs on my head … finding the butter in the dish cabinet … wearing a terrific suit and two different black pumps … and finally — going through the drive thru for coffee and ordering from the trash can.

Classic. It just goes on and on.

One reader shared this little gem:

I once spent five minutes searching desperately for my cell phone, complaining the whole time about it being missing, to my girlfriend, who I was talking to on my cell phone. This went on until she timidly asked “Are you using your cell phone right now?” It was such an out of body experience, I just hung up.

Another brave soul bared it all with this story:

Probably TMI, but my best story is falling asleep on the can in the middle of the night with my head resting against the facing wall. I was awakened by a house guest. How embarrassing.

And this one is my all time favorite:

Many years ago I had to do a presentation. When I got to the meeting and opened my brief case, I realized I had been carrying a backgammon board all morning.

I spent some time this week talking with renowned sleep expert; Dr. Richard Shane, who is a psychotherapist and has been working with sleep issues for decades. He has developed a simple way to help identify easy tips to “lean into sleep” once your head hits the pillow; and a great system for insomniacs to learn how to get to sleep reliably without medications. Turns out, he also has a great sense of humor.

Here are a couple of his favorite jokes around insomnia:

In the middle of the night, George was pacing back and forth in his room, unable to sleep. This woke his wife, who asked him why he couldn’t sleep. He replied, “You know that thousand dollars I borrowed from Bob next store? Well it’s due tomorrow, and I don’t have it, and I’m anxious and can’t sleep.” His wife said, “Honey, I have the solution.” She opened up the window and yelled to the house next store. “Bob, wake up.” A light went on in the house next store and Bob stuck his head out of his window. She continued, “You know that thousand dollars my husband owes you? Well he doesn’t have it!” Then she closed her window and turned to her husband. “There, now let him pace the floor and you go to sleep.

Here’s another:

Sid Caeser was a very popular comedian in the 1950s and 60s. Someone told me that he once did a routine in which he had insomnia, was tossing and turning and disturbing his wife, Imogene Coca, so she told him he had to get help. The next scene is of the next night and he says, “Honey, I saw a sleep doctor today and I know just what to do.” He gets in bed, closes his eyes and says, “Good night feet. Good night ankles,” and moves his way up through his body. Finally he says, “Good night, brain.” Long pause. “I SAID GOOD NIGHT, BRAIN!” So much for progressive muscle relaxation.

As many of us know, laughter is the best medicine in life. When we can laugh at ourselves, even when we’re so tired we can’t remember why we went into a room, it helps us to lighten up, and then potentially be able to shift gears out of that crabby mood or lethargic slump.

Dr. Shane has assembled a YouTube medley of some of the funniest television clips of insomnia from the classics of Lorel and Hardy and the Little Rascals. Check it out. While the clip is a full seven minutes, it’s worth it. The last clip of the guy using a calculator to count sheep is worth the wait:

Science has already proven that laughter is helpful to heal us when we are sick. However, no studies have yet been conducted as to the potential benefits of comedy to help improve sleep. Here’s a challenge as we hit the home stretch of our sleep challenge: for the next seven days, before going to bed at night, put on a show that really makes you laugh, or read a funny book instead of watching the horrors of Haiti on CNN, or some really bad reality show. Notice if it makes any difference during the night or the next day. Both Dr. Shane and I will be collecting stories of how it goes, and what you notice.

In the meantime, know that if you can’t find your car keys, or your shoes, or your child – you are not alone! Join our little club here with any good stories you have in our zombie party! Feel free to share this on Twitter, Facebook, etc. and click on Become a Fan to receive weekly updates.

Originally by the Huffington Post

The Happy Space Cadet:Tales From The Final Frontier

Janet Carpenter — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 10:48:18 +0000

“It’s a Catch-22 – - there doesn’t seem to be any way out!”

By the time we hit middle age, we’ve all experienced at least one of these delightful pickles. Usually, it’s an external situation; something job, relationship or community related.

We get into physical and mental Catch-22’s, too, often due to high-stress situations. Sometimes, we get too stressed to sleep well; we are too tired the next day to remain clear and collected. Then, we feel so stressed out thatwe don’t sleep well again the next night. And so it goes.

Physical and mental Catch-22’s are a reason why I use guided meditation in gentle yoga classes.

One good way to evaluate a yoga class, is by deciding whether it is able to break your mental or physical Catch-22 cycle of stress.

What IS guided meditation? A book on tape is a kind of guided meditation; so is a good song on the radio or IPod. Guided meditation happens whenever a person gives permission to be taken on a mini-vacation, strictly inside their head.

What does guided meditation look like in a yoga class? In my class it goes like this: “Imagine yourself lying on a gorgeous beach; not too hot or too cold. Wriggle your body down a bit into the sand . . . Notice the sounds in the room or outside the building. Allow them to float freely through your awareness. Now, bring your attention closer in, to the sound of your breath.”

By the time students have experienced this kind of welcome to-class guided meditation, the stress Catch-22 they may have brought in with them is broken, or close to being broken.

Guided meditation helps release bodily tension. Drawing attention toward breath brings the mind deep into personal space, creating an opportunity for intimacy and communication between mind and body. In my gentle yoga classes, we move as we breathe. The breath is natural, filling from the lower belly upward into the chest. The out-breath is somewhat longer than the in-breath to stimulate a natural relaxation response. When students hold a posture, eg, a seated forward bend, they focus on the breath while holding. Using breath as a metaphor, I ask students to imagine an in-breath as loosening tension in the hamstrings and back, like a fall breeze catches and loosens fallen leaves along a sidewalk gutter. Then I ask them to imagine the following out-breath as breathing away loosened tension, like a fall breeze blows the loosened leaves, swirling, away from the sidewalk gutter.

Without amazing feats of flexibility, it IS possible, with gentle yoga plus guided meditation, to let go of Catch-22 stress cycles and release physical tension. Even physical postures in gentle yoga involve mental exercise!

The Happy Space Cadet: Tales From The Final Frontier

Janet Carpenter — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 09:00:02 +0000

Who remembers looking into the face of a newborn? New children are positive and wonderful!
As a first-time parent, however, I remember having a sense of overwhelming responsibility – -
new babies are much more helpless than I ever imagined! They are also uncomfortable, because
they have left behind that quiet, warm place where they don’t have to breathe, eat or move for
themselves.

For adults, experiencing change can be a little bit like being born, all over again. Starting
something new can bring feelings of helplessness, frustration and vulnerability. Like the
newborn, if we want to move on to the next, we have to give something up. We can’t
stay in the womb of familiar safety indefinitely. We have to face discomfort.

The practice of yoga cues me in on how to handle the uncomfortable parts of change. I can sum
it up in three words: Courage, compassion and BREATHE.

In my yoga classes, when students move in ways that begin to be painful, I encourage them to
back off. It takes courage to go up to that line of discomfort. It takes compassion to back off
from it. But don’t roll up your mat and walk away yet! Breathe into the boundary, and pay close
and loving attention to the nonverbal cues that the body presents.

Over time, we have learned to lump bodily sensations generally, into “pleasure” and “pain”
categories. Through many years of practicing yoga, I have experienced that the sensations
that my body presents are infinitely more varied than that.

That is true of everyday life experiences, too. Breathing long, full breaths during a semi-
comfortable life change experience, we move toward the position of observer of the sensations
that our mind and body present. We strengthen our ability to repress our compulsive urges to
“fix” or “comfort” them. In so doing, we don’t get caught in comforting the complaining. We
can thus avoid over-eating, over-drinking, over-sleeping (fill in your own “over” here!); we also
avoid the seemingly inexorable pull to turn back to focus on how comfortable the old ways were,
and we continue forward more smoothly, gracefully, with the new.

By consciously taking full breaths in and out, we give our inner selves space to whine and
complain, like the wise parent who attentively gives witness to a crying child’s complaint.
Sometimes we, like a child, just need to acknowledge to ourselves that we are discomforted, in
order to move on.

If the complaints keep on coming, however, evaluate. Maybe this “pose” or new opportunity in
life, is too extreme. Or, maybe you are like me and have an inner drama queen that loves to go
into detail about discomfort in experiences. Firmly continue forward, keep breathing, and
pretty soon you will be riding the bicycle of your new challenge so well, your inner tears will
transform into an inner glow of pride in your accomplishment.

The Happy Space Cadet Tales:Tales From The Final Frontier

Janet Carpenter — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 10:05:56 +0000

Where have all the flowers gone

Long time passin’?

Where have all the flowers gone

Long time ago?

Where have all the flowers gone?

Gone to graveyards every one!

When will they ever learn?

When will they ever learn!

This 1960’s protest song honors the emotions of people bringing flowers to decorate the headstones of those whose lives were sacrificed in the line of military action. The soldiers themselves were flowers, too – - plucked by the involuntary draft system from the prime of youth and planted in early graves.

This song has a tone of bewilderment, as though the lyricist has just looked around and noticed – - “Hey ! What happened to all of the flowers that used to grow around here?”

In mid-life, we sometimes find ourselves feeling a similar way. We look around and notice some “flowers” are missing that we used to take for granted. We remember having things like telephones that worked for years on end without breaking; and we remember when Big Brother was just a science fiction writer’s imaginary nightmare.

Somewhere around the middle of life, we recognize that we can no longer hold back the tidal wave of changes, both inside ourselves and outside in our communities. Things. Are. Changing. When did THAT start happening?

Imagine: a stop-action series of full-body photos of you from the day you were born, every year until now. WOW! We have been changing all the time!

Somewhere around mid-life, however, change becomes the dinner guest who just doesn’t get the hint to leave. In our youth-obsessed culture, when you lose a baby tooth, there is a celebration of growth; when you lose your waistline, not so much. You grow another inch, your presence gains greater weight in society; you grow another gray hair, you take another step toward becoming one of the invisibly old-aged.

When change starts to look like it sucks more than not, we sometimes subtly slide into a negative mindset. This cascade into crotchety old-cronyism is not an inevitable descent!

In middle age is where some of the more refined aspects of yoga – - flexibility of the mind – - begin to stand out as practical tools to manage our relationship with change. Ancient Chinese Taoist and I Ching philosophies will contribute surprisingly up-to-the-minute and accessible ideas, as well.

Stay tuned to this weekly blog for amusing and practical stories and information about how non-athletic and middle-aged people can use these ancient Eastern techniques to feel good about the changes that they are experiencing in their lives. Be prepared to be cheered and challenged! See you next week!

How Do You Do It?

Edwin Bartlett — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 00:02:32 +0000

I have always fought the battle of the bulge. No, I am not one of those history gamers re-fighting a battle from WWII, and the rest of you get your mind out of the gutter. I’m talking waistline and body fat in general. I looked at the cheeseburger and not only ate it, but, I swear, I gained an extra pound. Right then, right there. I didn’t think about it, as I am truly big boned. Like if the door isn’t 3′ wide, I have to angle my way through it. Broad shoulders, yada, yada, yada. So, it didn’t phase me when I tipped the scales at 265 pounds because I could “carry” it. Then life has a way of giving you a swift kick in the cajones, and you wake up and say, my God, what am I doing? In my case, my wife died suddenly. There I was with 11-year-old and 7-year-old daughters to raise by myself. Want to talk about a reality check? There it is. Wake up dude! Time to stop going through the motions and get your butt in gear.

So where do we start? Well with me, let’s start with the legal stuff. I am not a doctor, physical trainer, or licensed dietician. Always check with your physician before starting any physical training routine or sexual activity. If you have a 4 hour. . . wait, don’t need to go that far. Where would we be without those legal disclaimers? Anyway, where do you start? Although I joke about it, I was serious when I started. The first thing I did was make an appointment with a doctor, or in my case, a physician’s assistant. Assistant is really a misnomer, as I have as much respect for Mike, and quite honestly, probably more, as I do for any doctor. By the way, the only thing a PA and APRN can’t do is admit you to the hospital, or so I hear. Now, FYI, this is the first physical that I have had since I got out the Marines 14 years prior. Needless to say, I was overweight. (An understatement. I was FAT.) High blood pressure and cholesterol? Had that, too. All bad and way too high. Basically Mike looked at me and, knowing my situation, gave me the news as tactfully as he could. “So when do you want to die?” he asked. Yup, a reality check for sure. Time to rethink what I was going to do.

The first thing was to figure out a game plan and stick to it. Make a commitment and follow through. Education was the key, learning everything I could so that I could do it myself, as I did not have the money for a personal trainer. So I learned. I read about diets (a word I really don’t like) and weight training. I even subscribed to Men’s Health. I did it all. I learned routines as well as studying about good carbs, bad carbs, calorie intake, and how often to work out. Then came the fun part. How to start. Well, I had done the doctor thing, so I figured, I’ll simply start walking. I quickly learned how far I had fallen from athlete and Marine. I could barely walk two miles! So I kept at it and was soon walking five miles a day. Next, I incorporated all of the nutrition information I had learned, and things got better. Then came the weight training. I fuddled through that, and things went well. How does going from 268 pounds to 208 pounds sound to you? It sounded good to my doctors. It sounded good to me.

So what can I tell you? It’s kind of simple. The biggest mistake I see is that everyone tries to do it all at once. They want to lose 20 pounds in a month. Well, some people can do that because of the amount of extra weight they carry. However, for most, 1–3 pounds a week is more realistic, depending on your size. Think about it. In two months you have lost 8–24 pounds. Start slow, do one thing at a time, and never give up. I use an Ipod since it drowns out the surrounding noise, and if you load up the right music, it really does help. Comfortable clothes and shoes also go a long way. Personally, I train in combat boots, camouflage pants, a tank top and do-rag. Sounds weird and scary. . . and it does kind of keep people at a distance in the gym. But it reminds of the day when I trained really hard, so it’s a motivating factor. It works for me. And that is the key—finding whatever works for you.

Finally, it all comes down to commitment and motivation. Many people come up to me and confess their sins, such as how they haven’t been to the gym in weeks or even months. I never lecture them. I just tell them that when they are ready, they will go back, and if they ever want to work out with me, just call. Everyone needs support every now and then. Commitment comes down to you. We all need to do something. You need to do something. You have to do something.

This is where I think that many people have problems. As in life, when you need to do something, it becomes a task. I hear many people say, “ I need to go to the Gym.” This is often said with a negative tone or followed by a sigh. Me, I want to go to the gym. No matter how hard I work out, I always feel good. That adrenaline and endorphin thing is at work for sure, but the fact is I accomplish something good for myself and am improving myself every day. That’s a big rush. And that’s what you want, a sense of accomplishment.

Finally, a few things. Sometimes you will get to a plateau, and it will seem like you are not making progress. Change your routine, change the order of your exercises, as muscles do have a “memory.” Trick ‘em out. A classic example of muscle memory at it’s best can be seen in Arnold. Before Terminator 3, as he was being a full time governor. There were actually pictures of him with a gut. Then, next thing you know, the movie is out, and he’s as buff as ever. Reason being, he knows how to train. The muscles were all there, he just had to build them up. Another thing is that after a while, the amount of weight you weight lose will decrease, and maybe you may not lose any weight, for a week or two. This causes a lot of people to lose faith. There’s a simple explanation for this. You only have so much fat to lose, and at some point you will also be adding lean muscle mass. Muscle weighs more than fat, so more often than not, this is a good thing. Here is the best way to know how well you are actually doing. Measure yourself. Measure your arms at the biceps, chest, waist, hips, and thighs. This way, as you lose the fat and become leaner, you can actually tell. Or you can get a body fat calculating scale. Even better, get to the point where you have to buy smaller clothes. How’s that for a hidden bonus? And donate the fat clothes to Good Will. That way you will keep working to continue to fit into those new clothes.

So, want to do it, start slow, and build up. Do it to amaze your friends. Do it for yourself. Mostly, do it for your loved ones. They all kind of like you and want to keep you around for a while.

Feeling the Need to Ride?

Mike Moretti — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 22:19:55 +0000

When I was a teenager I had one goal. Well, maybe more than one. From the perspective of getting people (girls) to notice me in the neighborhood I needed something to outshine the other boys. The other boys had bicycles with playing cards pinned to their wheels that made the sound of a motorcycle. I did too. But, that just wasn’t cutting it for me and to be honest no one (girls) noticed me! So, the quest for my first motorcycle started.

It was 1976 or maybe 1978 or somewhere in that decade of weirdness that I decided that I needed a brand new Honda XL-75 to deliver my newspapers on. I somehow convinced my parents to let me, first acquire a paper route and secondly, if I earned enough money buy the bike of my dreams. As time went by I accumulated close to $1000 by the ripe age of 13. And with brochure in hand spent $600 on my XL.

The love affair was short lived but the memories remain. Now, I have decided its time to ride again and here is the first official step for all of you that are thinking in this direction. Have fun, be safe and let’s ride!

Obtaining a Motorcycle Permit:

To obtain a motorcycle permit you must be at least 16 years of age and have a valid driver’s license. A permit can be obtained at any DMV full service branch office. No appointment is necessary, please be in the office no later than one hour before closing. Both the Motorcycle Manual English version and the Connecticut driving manual for new driver’s English version or Spanish version should be reviewed. It really is the only thing I read prior to the written test for my permit.

If you hold a valid out of state drivers license, you will be required to present all documentation (identification, address verification, etc.) necessary to obtain a Connecticut driver’s license before the motorcycle permit can be issued. Please see our Driver’s Licenses and Identification pages for more information. After successful completion of the motorcycle testing requirements, and before the motorcycle endorsement can be issued, you must obtain a Connecticut driver’s license.

The following documents are required to obtain a motorcycle permit:

* Driver’s License.

* Certificate of Parental Consent (form 2-D) with a notarized seal if under the age of eighteen or parent, legal guardian, spouse over 18 years of age.

* Application for a Non-Commercial Driver’s License (form-R229), which can be completed at the time of the test.

* $40 testing fee (see acceptable forms of payment).

* $15 motorcycle permit fee.

Note: If you are not a citizen of the United States, you will be required to show proof of your legal status in this country.

* Holders of a B1 or B2 Visitor’s Visa are not eligible for a driver’s license or identification card unless a valid USCIS Employment Authorization Card and verification of an application pending for Lawful Permanent Residence is provided.

* Foreign students with an F1 Visa status must show USCIS document I-20 and verification of current enrollment in a Connecticut school.

* J1 Visa holders are required to show USCIS document DS2019.

* H1B Visa holders are required to show a valid USCIS Employment Authorization Card and an employee verification letter from a Connecticut employer.

* All applicants will be verified through USCIS for legal status before a driver’s license/identification card will be issued.

You must pass a vision exam and a law test before a permit is issued.

The law test has 16 questions, you must answer at least 12 correctly to pass. If you fail the test(s), the $40 testing fee is not refunded. A re-exam is allowed any day after the initial failure.

The permit allows you to drive the motorcycle without a motorcycle endorsement for 60 days subject to conditions specified:

1. Valid in Connecticut only.
2. Valid during daylight use only.

3. Not valid for carrying passengers.

4. Not valid on multiple lane limited access highways.

5. Vision protecting devise must be used, including but not limited to goggles, glasses, face shields, windshields and wind screens.

6. Protective headgear of a type which conforms to the minimum specifications established by regulations adopted under Public Act 89-242 must be worn while operating a motorcycle.

All applicants who have successfully completed the CONREP are not required to perform the DMV motorcycle road test. The vision and law test is still required (please see above requirements for obtaining a permit).

Additional information about the different types of courses offered may be obtained by calling 1-800-USA-RIDE or by visiting the CONREP website.

Obtaining a Motorcycle Endorsement (Road Test):

Applicants not completing the CONREP must take the DMV motorcycle road test within the 60 day permit period at certain DMV full service branch offices (Bridgeport, Danbury, New Britain, Old Saybrook and Waterbury excluded). You must make an appointment for the road test by either calling the DMV Telephone Center or in person at any DMV Branch Office. You will then receive an appointment confirmation letter in the mail. Note: All applicants who have successfully completed the CONREP are not required to perform the DMV motorcycle road test. The vision and law test is still required (please see above requirements for obtaining a permit).

Generally, the applicant schedules the road test for the office where the permit was issued, if that office gives motorcycle road tests. If the office that issued the permit is not an office which gives motorcycle road tests (Bridgeport, Danbury, New Britain, Old Saybrook or Waterbury) that office will refer the applicant to the appropriate office (in close proximity) for the road test appointment.

At the time of the appointment you must bring the following items with you:

* Motorcycle permit.

* Driver’s license.

* Motorcycle that you will be using for the road test.

* Motorcycle registration.

* Connecticut Insurance Card for the motorcycle.

* Appointment confirmation letter that you received in the mail.

* If applicant is 16 or 17 years of age, you must present a certificate of successful completion of the CONREP (the road test is waived). You must also bring a parent, legal guardian, spouse over 18 years of age or a completed Certificate of Parental Consent (form 2-D), with a notarized seal.

After successful completion of the motorcycle road test, you will surrender your current driver’s license and motorcycle permit, and will be issued a new license with a motorcycle endorsement (M). There is no additional fee for this. Please note that any person 16 or 17 years of age who has been issued a motorcycle endorsement may not transport any passenger on a motorcycle for the first six months after obtaining the endorsement, three months if 18 years of age or older.

Canceling an Appointment:

If you can not keep your scheduled appointment, you must reschedule the appointment seven or more working days prior to the appointment date. Failure to do so will result in a forfeit of the $40 exam fee.

Inclement Weather:

Motorcycle road tests are occasionally cancelled due to inclement weather. The decision to cancel will be made the day of your test. If there is inclement weather on your test day, please call the DMV Telephone Center to confirm that testing is being conducted.

Failed Road Tests:

If you fail the motorcycle road test, you can retest by appointment anytime after two weeks of the initial failure. The fee for a retest is $40.

Expired Permits:

If your motorcycle permit is expired please see instructions on renewing a motorcycle permit.